We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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