my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Found the puke drawer
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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