We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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