I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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