I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize