Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
