I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
