O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
