So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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