So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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