apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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