i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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