please come you make the beer taste better
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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