Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
