No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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