Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
