paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
