Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
