grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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