A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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