I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
