is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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