Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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