I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
