I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
