State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
