I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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