I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
