Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
