We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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