is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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