trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
