we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
