I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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