office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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