Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
