I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
