The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
