I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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