come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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