forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
