So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
