you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
