My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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