Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
