Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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