I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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