We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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