my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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