im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
