so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
