Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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