she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
