Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
