so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
