WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
