I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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