Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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