When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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