he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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