you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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