how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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