I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
