Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
