you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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