Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
